The student that died I did not personally have. He passed away Monday night in his sleep after going to sleep excited to drive to school for the first time on Tuesday. The cause of death is still unknown.
I am on the verge of tears. Not because of the child dying even though that is a tragedy, but because of how much pain my students are in and I can't do a damn thing about it.
There are literally zero words I can say to them that can make them feel better. I could feed them the classic lines of "he is in a better place" or "everything happens for a reason" but I know those are hollow words to the majority of teenagers right after this happens.
There is reason I constantly refer to my students as "my kids." I invest so much time, effort, and emotions into them that they may as well be my children. I want to throw them out the window because they can be so annoying at times, but in general, I love my students and want to help, protect, and inspire them to be the best human being they can be. Sometimes, I even get results.
I wrote five sympathy cards today to students that I knew were struggling. I did this because I knew that it was the only thing I could do to try and help. I let each of them know that I was there for them to talk to if they needed me because they might feel so alone which I never want for them to feel. Also, in each one I wrote the words "It sucks and it isn't fair" because it isn't.
It isn't fair that a 16 year old kid and athlete died in his sleep.
It isn't fair that my students have to feel this pain and sorrow as a teenager. You're not supposed to deal with this type of pain until you are older and know how to cope.
It isn't fair that my students have to go two years in a row with loss.
It isn't fair that life can't stop for my kids so that they can grieve.
It isn't fair that there isn't anything I can do to make them feel better.
It isn't fuckin fair.
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